The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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