My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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