her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
