so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
