She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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