We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
