Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
