She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
