I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
