Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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