Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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