he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
