Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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