i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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