My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
