Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
