So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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