party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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