Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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