Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
