Well douche your snatch and let's go!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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