Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
