Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
