Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
