So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
