Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
