so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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