Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
