Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
