I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
