Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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