I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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