But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
