I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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