I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
