this must be what syphilis tastes like
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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