my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
