just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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