Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
