i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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