I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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