she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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