I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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