Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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