Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
