It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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