Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
