remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
