just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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