My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
